Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
