Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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