some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
