drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize