Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
