I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
