Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
