There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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