make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
