Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize