i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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