i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
