Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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