It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
