I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
