I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
