I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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