I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
