Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
