I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
