I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
