I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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