it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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