So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
