why didn't you poke me back
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
