I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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