so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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