Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize