question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
