I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize