I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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