Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
