so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
