I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
