you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
