my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
