I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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