You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
