i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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