just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
