so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
