you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
