Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
