I didn't shave. On purpose
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize