I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
