New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
