i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
