I will die if light touches me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
