Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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