Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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