I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
