Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got inside last night via doggy door
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
