do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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