The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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