remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
