Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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