I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize