Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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