The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
