no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so let's talk penis.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my nose is crying tears of wow.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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