you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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