did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize