just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
