According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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