You made me cry and you don't even care
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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