It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
