fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize