I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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