i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
As shirtless as possible
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
