Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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