there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
