i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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