we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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