it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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