You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
