He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
